‘I told my girlfriends about my sex life’

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By ROWAN PELLING

QUESTION: I have three very close female friends and we’ve always discussed our sex lives with one another in some detail. A month ago, I casually mentioned this fact to my boyfriend of a year. He’s pretty old-fashioned and was horrified to discover I’d talked about him in intimate detail. He said it was a “betrayal” and stormed out of my house. Now he says he’s not sure our relationship has a future. Surely he’s over-reacting?

 

ANSWER: I think most men would be horrified if they knew the detail and candour with which many women discuss sex with their friends. For every woman who displays decorum, there are ten who happily share their partners’ preferences and prowess. It is one of the ways in which women frequently display less chivalry than their male counterparts.

In my experience, it is rare for a man to talk about his wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual technique or intimate anatomy. But woe betide the chap who has brewer’s droop, or who’s too lazy for foreplay - his partner’s closest pals will soon know all about it.

Of course, if women are wise enough to confine their sex talk to a tiny number of trusted friends and never, ever mention their disclosures to their partner, the banter can serve some purpose.

Women learn from one another and dispel sexual myths by discussing their erotic lives. For example, any female who feels anxious about sex after childbirth will receive more useful information from fellow moms than any number of books.

It hardly needs be said, but the one huge error you made was to tell your boyfriend about your secret conversations.

No man should ever glimpse the infernal mysteries of the Best Friends’ Gossip Club. Traditional specimens of British masculinity are raised to believe that reticence is next to cleanliness and godliness. Someone else knowing your intimate secrets feels as wounding as an assault.

I suppose what I’m saying is that your partner’s not over-reacting at all. He sees your openness as a betrayal and you have to apologise accordingly.

If you feel a bit mealy-mouthed about that, reflect on how you would react if your partner had discussed your pelvic floor, or the noises you make during orgasm, with three male friends.

This is one of those cases when only a grovelling “sorry” will suffice. Telling your boyfriend to “Get over it, this is what women do” will be as effective as kneeing him in the groin. If, after all your tact and grovelling, your man still threatens to end the relationship, then he’s carrying wounded pride to the verge of idiocy.

I’d suggest he talks to a few female friends for their perspective on your crime. If he continues to operate this “one strike and you’re out” policy, he will end up a lonely old bachelor with only a scrofulous dog for company. - Daily Mail

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